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My alcoholic "Career" when on for longer than I care to remember. It started out just like the rest, i started experimenting with alcohol and drugs in High School. I was having fun with my friends and felt like i was part of the group. Well as time progressed and alcohol and drug use started to get more serious until it got tot he point of no control. Any excuse to drink, weather it be sad, happy, anxious, frightened, etc. It then came to a point where I had to have alcohol just to get through the day, to stop the sweats, the pain, and the shaking. Everyone around me was seeing how I was basically killing myself. Attitude changes, manipulating, stealing, lying, etc. I did what ever it took in order for me to get that "High" again, that feeling that nothing else in the world matters. I shut myself out of the world and my family and friends lives for the better part of my 20's into my early 30's. I realized that i needed to get help but growing up as a man in today's society asking for help makes you weak and vulnerable, so I never did. Everyone around me was seeing the destruction i was causing to the ones i love but most importantly to myself. I finally realized that this is not the person i want to be. For the longest time everyone always said to me "We want the Old You back". I never understood that because to me i was still there, the same person, same brother, same son, same friend. But that was the furthest from the truth. I had transformed into someone that not only i didn't like at all but someone who was putting EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY on the back burner, I would wake up every morning and drink the rest of the bottle while starting at myself in the mirror and couldn't stand what i was looking at. I realized then i needed to get help. i have been top rehab 3 times and have had some hiccups. I am not a first time winner at this, not many people are. As it states in the rooms "We claim spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection" No one is perfect, mistakes will be made and a lot of decisions will come your way. What helped me was "replaying the tape" When i want to go on a bender, i think of the story in my head and tell myself i know whats going to happen if i do this. Insane thing is i used to think i could control it and "THIS TIME" will be different. It's never different, always turns out the same, alone, sad, and broken, and lost. I am sober today, and have a wonderful life. I have the best support system in my corner. I have a sponsor who i am in regular contact with, attend as many meetings as possible and am beginning to work the steps. Its a long road to get out of what you put yourself and family through. It is not easy, takes a lot of hard work and willingness to do whatever it takes to better your life and those around you. Stick with it, know in your heart that you are worth it, and you do have meaning in your life, you are here for a reason. Keep your heads held high, be proud, be grateful. I am grateful that i am an alcoholic, because if i wasn't then, this life i have, that is beyond my wildest dreams, would not exist, just self-pity, depression and all the baggage that comes along with it. If anyone out there needs an ear to listen i am here. They say the best advice is from another addict. God Bless Everybody, and i hope you were able to get something out of this. I am available to talk if anyone needs to.