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I'M TERRIFIED! Pt. 2

I had to leave one of the best long term treatment centers in The USA, because I ended up being pregnant, when they gave me the pregnancy test there, they can't accept pregnant women. I went thru so many emotions at once, when the lady told me the that the pregnancy test was positive. I was so angry that I had to go home. I was also very terrified, because I didn't want to hurt my baby, by using again, because I wasn't ready for the real world without any mood/mind altering substances, just yet, I didn't have the tools I needed to survive as a sober/clean woman. I end up getting my s**t together, in about mid May. I got a job, I quit all mood/mind altering substances, cold turkey, by myself and managed to stay clean the rest of my pregnancy. I gave birth to a tiny, but healthy and beautiful lil baby, back in November '17. It was easier to stay clean while pregnant because I didn't want to hurt my baby.
Now that I'm no longer pregnant, I'M ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED! I'm terrified because my mind HASN'T stopped thinking about meth, the high of it, the process of using it and how much I used to love it... I'm terrified because I don't want to do it, but somehow I keep getting sucked right back into the obsession of the meth and the process of using it and that terrifies me so much! I have relapsed a few times now and I don't know what to do. I'm not trying to go to a rehab for women and their children, that terrifies me because I worry CPS would have a good reason to take my child! I just need some advice for getting the thoughts, to at least ease up a little bit, because these thoughts are terrifying me! Do you get it? I'm ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED, and the MOST TERRIFYING thing of all, is the thought of me losing my baby because I gave into the temptation, for some temporary "pleasure" in turn to end up losing my baby! I'm terrified! Please help me...?
***IF YOU'D LIKE TO READ MY ADDICTION STORY THAT LEAD UP TO THIS, PLEASE CHECK OUT MY LAST DISCUSSION POST ON MY PROFILE! IT IS RATHER LENGTHY THO! AND YES THIS POST IS ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE BOTTOM HALF OF MY LAST ONE! LOL***

Comments

  • I responded to your other post!!

  • Wow this is really scary thoughts here. You need to just being open an honest and vocal about everything and find some outlets to discuss it and get a mental release. That's what a forum like this is for and it's growing and will be a place to stay active and occupy your mind. I don't think you're really in the proper mindset until your brain can reset itself and that takes like 2 years of being clean from all the mind altering shit

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