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I thought I'd come to this forum where people would understand better. I'm a Christian, but I'm also an addict, so please forgive my any foul language, outbursts, etc. People on the Christian forum that I usually go to have been kind in general, but there are very few addicts and frankly, quite a lot of well-meant judgmental jerks. Please don't expect me to be a role model here.
On 23 April 2006, I was taken to our general doctor because I was always tired and depressed. Prior to that, I had never taken sleeping pills, and I did NOT need any. I was sleeping fairly normally. The doctor gave me a handful of pills, including Ambien, stared me straight in the face and assured me that that Ambien was NOT addictive. He blatantly lied to me.
And of course, that first night, I was hooked. The ecstasy, the hallucinations, the funny conversations with my friends online... I soon began nicking pills to take during the day just because it was so fun, and it actually did help me to sleep really well, at least for a while. The doctor kept on prescribing the pills for about five years. The hallucinations and all that stopped, but the general ecstasy did not; it just got less effective.
It's now 2019 and thanks to sympathetic doctors and naive pharmacists, I'm still hooked. The Ambien works better for me than any anti-depressant I've ever been on. It makes me feel happy, it doesn't make me aggressive or whatever like illegal drugs, it may no longer help much with sleep, but at least it makes me feel happy. I've been through a lot of crap; molestation, rejection by my biological father after he accidentally killed my mother, growing up feeling like a freak, being bullied, being abused by psychos, and then my adoptive parents (my grandparents, the most lovely people ever) both passed away in 2017. Then I met a great guy who seemed to be into me, but he never was; that rejection hurt like hell. One Ambien and all my problems seem to fade away.
But my addiction has caused me to blow money, feel too lazy to work, have made my remaining family feel alienated from me... I have a sister who, though she takes care of me, is not a sympathetic person who will dole out hugs and sympathy; she make me feel like nothing but a useless junkie, though she may not mean to. I can't even visit her house without her locking her bedroom door where she keeps her own sleeping pills, that she does not abuse.
I'm still jobless (though I'm trying my hardest to find a job), and my money situation is sick because I secretly blow the little I have on paying doctors to dole out repeat prescriptions.
I'm sick of it, I don't know how to stop.