Don't know if I can stay sober

I've been clean for 2 years now but so much stuff has been happening in my life lately where I feel like the only thing that will make all the stress go away is the drugs. I did everything I could get my hands on. Pills, meth, heroin, crack, acid. Whatever. Its A miracle I'm even alive. I overdosed at least 4 times to my knowledge. I am now with a man that helped me get sober. He is the reason I'm still sober right now. But if I slip up and go back on the drugs he will leave me. I don't want to lose him. I don't want to go back to the way things were before. I want to stay sober but its getting so hard. My dad is also an addict (he's been addicted to crack for over 20 years now). Which doesn't help. My family pretty much makes me feel like I'm worthless. Most days, unless I'm with my boyfriend, I feel like either killing myself or getting high. When I got off the drugs I started drinking heavily. Every day all day. I don't remember half the things I did and had alcohol poisoning too many times to count. But to me, it was better than drugs. I'm almost a year sober from alcohol. But I want so bad to drink and forget all my problems. I feel like my boyfriend is starting to hate me. We've been having a lot of issues lately.. Not huge ones but still. I feel he'd be happier with another girl. On Top of that we are both pretty sure I'm pregnant. I don't want to drink or get high again if I am. But I don't know how much longer I can stay sober. I can't go to any support groups because my family would have to take me and they don't know I'm an ex addict. What Do I do..? How do I stay sober so I don't lose everything I have..?

Comments

  • Any help would be wonderful. I just don't know what to do anymore
  • If you suspect you are pregnant please see a doctor! Do not endanger the life of your baby.

    Second, I know you are afraid of telling your family but honestly what is more important? Are you too afraid of embarrassment to the point that you want to overdose? You need to realize becoming clean is more important than your family realizing you have a problem. I know it feels vulnerable and scary to show people your weaknesses but your life is on the line!

    You say you are on the verge of relapsing or using again. I think it would really help you to find a support group in-person that isn't your boyfriend. You can't rely on one person for your happiness.

    Have you looked into online support groups like over Skype or something? It's not ideal but it is better than nothing, since you say you can't attend meetings in-person..

    Think of all the times you overdosed, you said it yourself that it is a miracle you are still alive. DO NOT WASTE THAT MIRACLE!!

    Update soon, I hope I reached you in time!!

    m.reynoldsNClarke2017
  • I agree with the above poster. If you think you are pregnant you need to get yourself into treatment. You have a new life growing in you then you need to be the role model for. Have you looked into taking city transportation to get to meetings? Or maybe your boyfriend would be willing to take you knowing that it will help keep you on the right path.

    m.reynolds
  • Agree about city transportation (if it is safe) or maybe a rideshare app

  • Hi @CassAttack023, I want to know have you ever tried to contact any Rehab center or Addictions Treatment center or their helplines no? If not, then try this once, I am telling you with my personal experience when I faced the case of my younger brother in my family 3 months back. Based on their 3 months treatment I can say you will also definitely get noticeable results from there. If you are in New York then for your help I am sharing you one reference link of one rehab center from where my brother treatment is going on. But it is also good if you find any such addiction centers near by you. Best Wishes . :)
    https://addictionresource.com/addiction-and-rehab-hotlines/

Sign In or Register to comment.
Submit Your Story