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Can't handle much more
I have been 29 days clean today from heroin, meth, and pills. When my husband and myself get into an argument or I get stressed or depressed my cravings come back and I want everything to pick up the phone and call my buddy. This isn't the first time I've had to get clean. It feels like it's harder this time then it was the first time. I almost lost my marriage over my addictions, but I didn't. I did loose my house, my car, my dogs, my cat, and my job. My family almost stopped talking to me. The urges have been getting stronger and harder to fight. I don't want to lose my family again because of my addiction. I don't even want to lose my job that I love. I just don't know what to do anymore. My husband has been in my shoes before, but I can't ask him for help due to we argue when I bring it up. It's like he thinks if I don't talk about it won't think about it, well he is wrong.
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Do you go to meetings an/or have support group?
I'm not able to go to meetings due to I work 7p-7a some days or 6p-3a on other days. My support group fell apart when I got back on the drugs.
Maybe you can be totally open about whats going on and tell your husband that not talking about it is making a problem for you. Who knows though maybe not talking about it is how he copes best with his own demons? It couldn't hurt to just get it all out there and start the discussion with "this can be just one talk that I need now". Somebody has to be able to help you find support that you want and that works for you. Forums have been that for me over the years honestly.
Listen to me if you want to stay clean and alive...get your fanny to meetings, no excuses, no alibis, no bull...just go. In the meantime, talk a walk and start exercising (slowly at first).
And please, give time time.
Good luck, you can do this!
Look into an online sponsor or online support group. There is no shame in needing help or looking for a support network.
john.hackett is right though no bull!!!
You have to take some sort of action around this. That is one thing I learned. We can make excuses all day but when it comes down to it something must be done around this. Check yourself in somewhere, go to some meetings, see a counselor. Do something!
Agree with that sentiment, hold yourself accountable and do your best.
@aubsmama516 that's intense AF! You need a detox for sure and you can't do that seriously without a clinic. Trying it on your own is just too much to overcome for most people
Hitting that point where you're at that crossroads of continuing doing what you've been doing and hoping for different results...or the jumping off point. I've been there. Lots of false starts, but finally got in the program. Drying out or detox, most important, you can't make a decision while you are still under control of a mind altering substance. Go for it. There isn't any 'cure' yet for being a drug addict or drunk. Total abstinence is really the only solution. That caused ME a lot of fear and regret. It was all unfounded, as the life I found after being honest with myself has been great, and only getting better. Don't close your mind to any possibilities. Miracles happen all the time.