Through the Eyes of a Lover

I have been with my fiancé for about 2 years now and in that two years he has done 7 months in rehab, and relapsed twice since. He has the drive and ambition to stay sober he just sometimes gets lost in his thinking and has a hiccup. I support him as much as I can by going to meetings with him, have him active in the gym, constantly stay positive around him. My question is this how do I not lose "myself" in this as well as continue helping him in the process? I have tried AL-ANON groups and it was an extremely negative experience and were almost coming off as ANTI relationship. I am here for the long haul with my fiancé and am seeking positive advice.

Comments

  • That is hard being in a relationship with a recovering addict. You had said you aren't a drinker and I'm sure that helps your fiancé with what he is battling with. I think you also need to take time for yourself in this. You need to do things that you enjoy doing too.

    tatiana.anderson
  • edited January 2018

    @cassie.mcginess thank you so much! I do photography as much as possible I think maybe I should start reading as well.

  • edited January 2018

    You're already a great fiancé by knowing that you are in this for the long haul! Not drinking is already a huge win for both of you guys, I'm sure that must be hard. I agree with @Cassie.mcginess that its great you guys have activities like going to the gym, but you need to find hobbies that you enjoy doing as well. You said you like photography and reading those are already some great hobbies to start doing!

    tatiana.anderson
  • @bratpitt thank u so much for the comment. Defiantly going to start doing more hobbies and making sure i have time for me.

  • agree with the other posters about the self-love aspect. your fiance sounds like he is lucky to have such a supportive significant other! make sure you give yourself the same kind of love and attention that you are devoting to helping him (this is generally good practice for anyone in a relationship :smile: )

    i have been in relationships before where i started to lose myself, i got too caught up in the other person that i completely forgot who I was - my mom put it best when she said, Don't make the other person your EVERYTHING, because if god forbid something happens or you lose them or break up, you need to be able to fall back on your own two legs!

    tatiana.anderson
  • I try to devote at least a few hours of "ME" time every week. The rule is that it needs to be something I genuinely enjoy doing or it relaxes me. Like, if I force myself to go to the gym, it doesn't count (unless it's something I wanna do, like zumba class or something.)

    My ideas:
    *Splurge on Lush bath bomb - the colorful ones!! - and take a bubble bath
    *Read on the patio (if weather is nice)
    *Treat myself to some froyo for no reason lol
    *Get my nails done and pay extra $ for a fun design
    *Do a conditioning hair mask while watching TV
    *Buy 1 thing from my Amazon wish list
    *Look up my favorite food blogger and try a recipe (usually some delicious smoothie with added peanut butter or whatever LOL)

    tatiana.andersonSherrySaysm.reynolds
  • @Ari_Z_1993 love all those ideas! And I totally agree with what you said @NClarke2017 I'm currently going through a breakup right now so I could deff use some more me time.

    tatiana.anderson
  • amazing ideas! thank you so much for sharing! Since posting I have really be able to explore more of what makes ME happy. :) @Ari_Z_1993 @bratpitt @cassie.mcginess @NClarke2017

    Ari_Z_1993cassie.mcginess
  • I'm so happy to hear that. What have you been trying out?

  • Getting froyo is an underrated therapy

    cassie.mcginess
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