how do i tell our friend group about wife

Wife is recovering alcoholic, she never went to rehab or anything but it was clear to both of us she had a drinking problem. the thing is she is trying to stop drinking completely which is going great but it's getting tough for us when we hang out with friends. we didn't really tell our core friend group about her issues because my wife and i are very private people i didnt think they needed to know. and honestly she says she doesnt want to tell them but the tricky part is how do we explain why she isnt drinking during parties? for example this past superbowl all my friends were ragging on her to participate in the drinking and they kept pestering her. i know they mean well, theyre our lifelong friends and most were our groomsmen for the wedding but we are running out of excuses. should i just tell my wife we should tell them the truth? i think shes embarrassed but in my opinion it would help the situation tenfold cuz im sure if our friends knew the truth they would lay off her


  • If these are lifelong friends you should be able to feel comfortable telling them what is going on. Your friends are the ones you should be open with. I can understand it must be hard and embarrassing but at least they'll stop pushing drinks on your wife. I think it would be best to let them know.

  • It's not anyone's business and if she feels ashamed then maybe just say she quit drinking for health reasons. You don't have to disclose anything just that it was effecting her health and now she's choosing not to drink for a while. This is new for her, AND YOU! It will get easier and maybe after a while she will chose to tell them really what was going on, but that's up to her. Your job is to have her back <3

  • I agree with @cherry.mccarthy. You don't have to tell them exactly why she stopped drinking.

  • Yes I agree with the posters above that you can tell them it's for health reasons without going deep into the issue. If they are really your friends and understand not to push the issue anymore, it will go a long way towards alleviating the anxiety you and your wife have whenever you host events like this. Saying she is stopping for her health isn't even really a lie, it's the truth.

  • You can also have her volunteer to be DD in case someone needs to get driven somewhere. There's an upside to having one sober person in the group.

  • how are you doing @m.reynolds?

  • Thanks for checking up on me @NClarke2017. I have thought about everyone's advice all weekend and will be talking to my wife tonight about the situation. I will ultimately leave it up to her to decide on what to do since it is her issue but I will make sure she knows what I think about everything too. WIll keep everyone posted.

  • Yes, let us know what she says!

  • Yea for sure let us know! Good luck :)

  • It is cliche but it is true that your real friends would be able to accept the truth. Imagine if you told them your wife was deathly sick or diabetic and needed to follow a certain diet, etc. If your friend can't accept that your wife has dietary needs then they're totally silly adults!!

  • Well, here's an update since you guys helped me. I showed my wife the thread and she agreed to tell our friends before they came to our home for the monthly get-together. She talked to their wives and assumed they would tell their spouses. I think that worked because last weekend when they came around everyone played nice and no one gave her crap for not drinking. In fact a few of our friends were passing around virgin pina coladas and trying to make the best tasting kind. It was a lot of fun and not awkward at all. I don't know why I was so surprised but my friends are good people haha. It all turned out fine. Thank you for everyone's help.

  • I love a happy story! How is your wife doing? She must feel a lot better having that stress off her shoulders. Glad to hear everything went fine.

  • Tell them. There is no shame in knowing that you're an alcoholic and wanting to quit drinking. If they are true friends then they will understand and support her. That in itself will help.

  • Awesome. I'm so glad for you both.

  • Thanks my friend. I totally get that "true friends" wont judge etc. It still felt easier to say than actually do, esp when you feel so much shame and guilt over the issue, it's hard to admit something like that to your closest friends. I guess my wife has some anxiety issues as well. But it all worked out!!

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