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NClarke2017

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NClarke2017
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97
  • Is it bad? Like what do I need to do?

    OK. Let's tackle this one at a time.

    First of all, I want to bring up your final sentence. No, I don't think you can do this alone, you need a support group. The reason I feel so adamantly about this is because you have already shown that your family is NOT a viable support group, because they have their own addiction issues and find your drunken and dangerous antics more "entertaining" than dangerous, which seriously concerns me. So no, I honestly think YOU NEED external help and support in order to heal, simply because the support group you have with your family indicates heavy enabling. I'm not trying to bash your family but it's totally possible to have well-meaning family members who may be good in other aspects but at the same time be terrible for your recovery. So, YES you need help detoxing, I recommend looking for a treatment center or rehab online.

    Another thing that concerns me if your low self-esteem and mental image. You speak about yourself very negatively and it worries me a lot. Please recognize that you are worthy of spending the time and $ on yourself to heal!! I was reading your post and a few key phrases stuck out to me; I'm genuinely concerned that if you don't get help soon you will just continue a destructive path with your end goal of overdosing on a substance. DO NOT RISK IT GETTING THAT BAD! You are starting to get careless with needles and hanging out with a dangerous crowd - I think you enjoy the danger because you don't love yourself enough and that's why you are flirting with DEATH - I think you should look for treatment for your addiction AND your mental health issues because in all likelihood they are very closely correlated.

    You seem like you are slowly becoming a "high functioning" addict and look for ways to continue using while "still being healthy" - let me tell you that even if you are high-functioning, if you are addicted physically and psychologically YOU ARE NOT HEALTHY! You will not be healthy until you defeat this addiction.

    There must be some part of you that recognizes you need help because you are posting it. You seem self-aware of your faults and how dangerous some of your actions are. It's not too late to turn this ALL around.

    OK I wrote a wall of text here and I hope it reaches you in time.

    Find treatment!!!!

    dathnessm.reynoldsAri_Z_1993
  • Is it bad? Like what do I need to do?

    I think drugs can dull your emotions. But I dont believe drugs can erase them to the point of no return (unless dying counts). You have used drugs for so long that your semblance of feeling "normal" is so far off base from what a regular, non-user considers "normal." It's like when you want to be high all the time, you can't bear to be "low"... but think of the average everyday person: nobody is "high" all the time. Sometime they're low, or sad, or hungry, or just plain bored.. The average person isn't always excited but when they DO feel that "high" they can appreciate it for what it is, because they've allowed themselves to feel the "low" parts. Does that make sense?

    I think your emotions are being dulled by depression or the drugs. It's human to not want to feel like crap, so you end up using again instead of allowing yourself to feel the crappiness of withdrawals/emotions/responsibilities etc.

    I think you have emotions but it's probably going to take a while of detoxing for you to appreciate the little things again, to be ok with the "lows" of life, etc. It probably does not help your family also suffers from addictive behavior. But don't let that limit you, or convince you that it's "impossible" to recover. It's not impossible, it's just going to be a fight against habit, at the end of the day.

    m.reynoldsAri_Z_1993
  • Grandson is using spice

    8 years of enablement means he will likely resist any attempts for you to control his behavior. I agree with the other poster about tough love is necessary. Perhaps you can look into hiring an interventionist, they are very professional and trained, it can be very beneficial to have a neutral 3rd party help mediate. Just a suggestion. Best of luck to your family.

    Chris
  • Recovery-centric memes

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